It took me a lifetime to understand this concept. First, I had to go through some things. I had betray myself, and betray others. I had to say "yes", when I wanted to say "no", and "no" when I wanted to say "yes", enough times to force myself to take a look into what the heck was really happening here?
Well, I began to care about the relationship that I had with myself and the patterns in the relationships that I had with others. Self-love and boundaries were two concepts that were often thrown around, and a very hefty area for coaching arena. I also wanted to make sure that Self-love wasn't just all about mani's and pedi's.
Now, when I am seeking deeper answers, I like to start by simply looking up the meanings of words. So, I did...
regard for one's own well-being and happiness
Boundaries (psychological definition):
a psychological demarcation that protects the integrity of an individual or group or that helps the person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activity.
Because I am a Believer, I've always wanted to make sure that self-love did not lead to selfishness. As a follower of Christ, I am to serve others, and their needs are to come before my own. I am to be humble. But where did you draw the line between your integrity and being doormat to the desires of others?
As women, we deal with these decisions in all of our relationships. We deal with drawing a healthy line between ourselves and our children, ourselves and our husbands, ourselves and our bosses, ourselves and friends and family, and ourselves and life's demands.
Well, thank God he doesn't expect us to be perfect. He knows that we're human and that we deal with emotions. It is really difficult to go through life and bear the burden of being or missing out on our own desires, feeling unheard, and still remain humble.
So that's where boundaries come in. If we learn to set boundaries, then those things will likely not happen to us. Because boundaries show people how to treat and love us. They actually look out for you and the other person or parties involved. And when we can understand boundaries for ourselves, we can respect the boundaries of others. I think that's the only time that the golden rule really works "do unto to others, as you would have them do unto to you".
And as for self love, setting healthy and loving boundaries is one of the major keys to developing self love. You can't give away what you don't own!
Here are 6 questions concerning boundaries for you to consider:
Are you aware of what needs to be in place for you to thrive?
How have you created, honored, and protected your boundaries in the past?
Have you created boundaries, do you know what they are? Do you allow them to be defied?
Do you experience resistance internally or externally when expressing a boundary to another?
Is there a place in your relationships where you are craving to say no, but don't feel that you have permission to?
Is there a place in your relationships were you saying yes, but haven't given yourself permission?
Well, that's all I've got. I don't like reading nor writing long blogs. Just ask yourself these 6 questions and journal about what comes up for you. It will be life-changing. Ot at least thought provoking.
I would love to have Self Love Discovery Session with you. If you are interested let, me know.
Book a call: www.jacindahaines.com (scroll to the bottom)
Call my studio: 251-471-9600
Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
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